Henry Goes to the Holy Land – Travel Day!

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January 12, 2015

Hello! My name is Henry, and I’m a small stuffed dog handmade by a nice lady called Marie Bond. Mrs. Bond modeled me after a real dachshund called Henry that owns a woman named Rachel – the same woman who hosts this blog.

As the guest columnist for the next ten days, I suppose you could call me the guest dogger!

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This is Henry, the dog I’m modeled after. Isn’t he handsome? 

And here's me - hanging out with my pack. That's Toby the collie - he's a really nice dog!

And here’s me – hanging out with my pack. That’s Toby the collie – he’s a really nice dog!

I live in the Episcopal Diocese of Olympia (Western Washington), and our bishop, The Rt. Rev. Greg Rickel, is co-leading a pilgrimage to the Holy Land (Israel and Palestine) with the bishop of Northern California, The Rt. Rev. Barry Beisner. We will be joined by more folks coming from Arizona.

Sometimes, the hardest part of traveling is the traveling itself. Late last night, I flew on a plane all the way across the country, from Seattle to Newark – From the west coast to the east coast. It took a little over four hours.

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Here I am in the Seattle airport….

And here I am at the Newark airport!

And here I am at the Newark airport!

Don't you just love the R2D2 roller bag? I think that all aspects of travel should be fun - even the luggage.

Don’t you just love the R2D2 roller bag? I think that all aspects of travel should be fun – even the luggage.

The most important part of traveling happened before I even got on a plane, and that was the packing! The farther I travel, the less I want to carry. So, I packed only carry on luggage for this trip…including leaving just enough space for me!

Later today I will get on another plane to Tel Aviv, Israel. About an hour before we leave, our group will all gather for the first time at our departure gate. I’m hoping that traveling with bishops will get me special access to squirrels, but – actually- I’m not even sure if there are any squirrels in Israel. I guess I’ll find out when I get there…

I love traveling, meeting new people and having adventures. Mostly, I love learning new things. This trip should be especially interesting, (Wish me luck with the squirrels!)

I will write next when we have arrived at our first stop – The north coast of the sea of Galilee. After we arrive in Tel Aviv, we will take a bus there. Let me know if you have any questions for me during my pilgrimage to the Holy Land through the comment section to each posting.  If I don’t know the answer, I will try to find out for you.

Here’s to barking at squirrels!

Henry

The Advent Wreath: Keeping Sacred Time with Light

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Advent Wreath Rector's Altar

The Church’s liturgical calendar is based in a cycle of sacred stories that actually takes three years to complete, before the three-year cycle begins again.  Each year within a three-year cycle includes regular seasons (such as the seasons of Epiphany, Lent, Easter, Pentecost, etc) and annual feast days. In our annual calendar, every liturgical year ends with the feast day of Christ the King, while the beginning of each yearly cycle begins with the season of Advent. Like the season of Lent, Advent is a time of preparation.  However, while Lent prepares us for the death and resurrection of Christ, Advent prepares us for the birth of Jesus – the first chapter of the Christian expression of human relationship with God, with ancient roots deep within the development of human religious history.

Like other seasons of the church year, Advent is a time informed by the rich traditions of our faith. One of the most beloved traditions of Advent practiced both in the home and in church services is the Advent wreath, also known as the Advent “crown.”  An Advent wreath can either be a horizontal display of four candles, or a circular display of four candles with a fifth candle in the center. By whatever form it takes, an Advent wreath is calendar which (quite literally) highlights the sacred time passing during the four weeks leading up to Christmas.

Beginning with the First Sunday of Advent, the lighting of a candle can be accompanied by Scripture readings and by personal prayers. An additional candle is lit during each subsequent week until, by the last Sunday before Christmas, all four candles are lit. Many Advent wreaths include a fifth and central candle, often referred to as the Christ candle, which is lit at Christmas Eve or on Christmas morning.

As with many traditions, the origin of the Advent wreath is a matter of no small speculation and debate. However, the symbols which compose the Advent wreath are of great antiquity and come together to form an important lexicon of teachings about our faith.

Firstly, the Advent wreath reminds of two types of waiting – waiting for Christ’s return after his ascension and the waiting for the celebration of Jesus’ birth (Christmas). In both types of waiting, the community is waiting for Christ – waiting for the fulfillment of the promises of God, which is the transformation of the world and of hearts so that peace and justice may be known by all peoples.  And yet, the candles remind us that the Light of Christ is already in the world, that we follow the God who is Emmanuel – the “God with us” – and that we are called to be light to the world in the here and now.  The Advent wreath, therefore, is as much about God waiting for us to become that light even as it is about us who yearn for God’s light in times of darkness.  Both the People and God long for the Kingdom of Heaven on Earth.

Secondly, the colors of the candles have meaning and communicate somewhat different ideas, depending on the color of the candles. Most Advent wreath traditions use three purple or blue candles and one pink candle.  If there is a fifth central candle, that candle is usually white.

Purple is the ancient Mediterranean color associated with royalty or nobility (and can be used to recognize Christ’s kingly nature), and purple is also the color in the church associated with penitence (as such, it is the liturgical color for the season of Lent). You may notice, however, that in the Episcopal Church, we have more commonly used blue as the liturgical color for Advent. Therefore, our Advent wreaths can tend to use three blue candles (rather than purple).

For the church, the color blue signifies hope and waiting, and it is the color associated with Mary the Mother of God (who is especially honored during the season of Advent leading up to the birth of her Son). Additionally, the blue color has a particular history in the Anglican church (of which we are a part and which informs our specific identity as a faith tradition).

Namely, the 1979 Book of Common Prayer lifts up the theme of expectation to the season of Advent and brings greater focus to the role of Mary, Mother of Jesus, in the Incarnation event. In keeping with this emphasis, the Sarum Rite (i.e., the traditions associated with Salisbury Cathedral, England) adopted the use of a dusty-blue color for Advent, rather than the violet which is associated with the season’s former penitential nature.

The Sarum Rite, was a variant of the Roman Catholic liturgy practiced in Great Britain from the late 11th Century until the Protestant Reformation.  In 1078, King William the Conqueror, or William I of England, appointed St. Osmund, a Norman nobleman, bishop of Sarum (Salisbury). As bishop, Osmund initiated some revisions to the Roman Rite, drawing on both Norman and Anglo-Saxon traditions, including the development of the Sarum Rite.  Many of the accouterments and  liturgical practices associated with the Sarum Rite were revived in the Anglican Communion in the late 19th and early 20th centuries (as part of the Anglo-Catholic Oxford Movement in the Church of England). Today, however, the Sarum Rite is remembered for its distinctive scheme of liturgical colors, which differs somewhat from that used in the Roman Catholic and most Protestant churches. In the Sarum Rite, blue rather than purple is authorized during Advent. The shade of blue used during Advent resembles royal blue, and is referred to as “Sarum blue.” So, long story short, using three blue candles is an especially Anglican/Episcopalian thing to do.

The pink candle in the set of Advent wreath candles has an entire history of its own. In the earliest years of the church the only church season was Lent, the seven weeks prior to Easter. Lent was a season of fasting and prayer as the church commemorated the crucifixion of Jesus. The traditional color of banners in the church during this time, therefore, was a deep purple. During Lent the church lit seven candles, one for each week of the solemn season. However, though the season is solemn, the story of Lent also has a hint of hope and joy since the death of Christ prefigured the resurrection. The forth Sunday of Lent is called Laetare Sunday, “laetare” meaning “rejoice” in Latin. On Laetare Sunday, the church was encouraged not to fast, but to feast. In ancient times on Laetare Sunday the Pope would honor a citizen with a pink rose, and as time passed the priests wore pink vestments on this day as a reminder of the coming joy.

In current Episcopal practice of the Advent wreath, the pink candle is lit on the third week of Advent.  The third Sunday of Advent is called Gaudete Sunday. “Gaudete” (like “laetare”) means Rejoice” in Latin, and is also known as a Rose Sunday. This custom is not required by the Episcopal Church, but it is observed by some parishes with a traditional Anglo-Catholic piety, such as Trinity is known to practice in our liturgies.  In Therefore, in Anglo-Catholic practice, it is common for clergy to wear pink vestments twice a year – on Laetare Sunday in Lent and on Gaudete Sunday in Advent. Pink is the color associated with anticipatory joy, being somewhere between the dark purple or blue associated with challenging times (associated with Lent and Advent) and the white of festal celebration (used at Easter and Christmas).

Another symbol informing the Advent wreath is the wealth itself. The ring or wheel of the Advent wreath of evergreens symbolizes the love of God which has no beginning and no end (a circle) while the evergreens and lighted candles signify the persistence of greening life and light, even in the midst of winter. The ring of candles also hearkens back to an ancient Celtic use of the solar disc which represents the Divine Light, which is why Celtic Christian crosses include a disc (or circular nimbus) shape.

Finally, there is a meaning ascribed to the four candles which denote cardinal spiritual values particularly honored within the season of Advent and which we are asked to cultivate in ourselves as those Baptized into the Light of Christ, who is represented by the fifth candle:

The first (blue) candle lit is the candle of Hope (and prophesy).  The first candle symbolizes the promises the prophets delivered as messages from God; promises that foretold Christ’s birth. As followers of Christ, we are to engage the practice hope – for our own lives as well as bringing hope to others in times of difficulty, challenge or sorrow. Our ultimate hope is in Christ.

The second (blue) candle to be lit is the candle of Love. The second candle reminds us that God loves the Creation God has made, including the creation he has made that is our unique selves. What we do to the least of our brethren (and we are related to all Creation), we do to Christ.  The greatest commandment is that we love one another as Christ loved us.

The third (pink/rose) candle to be lit is the candle of Joy. The third candle asks us to celebrate life. In the midst of harsh circumstances, Mary was joyful in fulfilling what God asked of her life and in having a child. We are asked to not give into despair but celebrate joy whenever we experience in ourselves or in the world around us.

The forth (blue) candle is the candle of Peace. The fourth candle reminds that Jesus brings a kind of Peace to both the world and to people’s hearts which is not simply the absence of strife but a true and deep acceptance of all difference, such that no difference is a stumbling block to peace between peoples. As followers of Christ, we are to be the experience of peace for one another.

The Central (white) Candle is the Christ Candle or Christmas candle. The fifth candle represents Christ who was born into a human experience so that humans might experience the Divine in this life as well as the next – that we might recognize Emmanuel (the God With Us) who is at once coming and already here, in us and in the world. This candle reminds the Baptized of the candle gifted to them at the time of their Baptism and as an echo of the Pascal candle which enters the church during the service of the Easter Vigil.  We are to be light to the world. The light of God is born to us even as we are born anew by that light.

In the dark of winter nights in the northern hemisphere, the promise of Christmas comes upon us quietly, reverently and certainly. There is no pomp and circumstance.  There is only a family loving one another in the world that God has made. And by the light of Divine love experienced on Earth and through mortal life, the whole world can and will be transformed.  The Kingdom of Heaven is in each heart, yearning to be born as light to the world.

May the Blessings of this Holy Advent enlighten you with the fire and love of God, that you may bear Christ into the world which longs to know God face to face.

CREDO and Renewing My Spirit

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The Episcopal Church Pension Fund provides a benefit to clergy known as CREDO.  The website for Episcopal CREDO shares that the Latin word, CREDO, can be translated as “I believe,” but that it also has deeper meaning. Literally translated, CREDO means, “I give my heart.” The eight-day retreat opportunity provided by CREDO encourages participants to rediscover the passionate essence of their life and ministry in the context of their faith, their relationships, and community.

This past May, I attended CREDO #277.  Having gone to various and sundry retreats, training and management offerings in my career, I was actually very relieved by the experience I had at CREDO. Taking the view that vocation is a lifelong process of practice and self transformation, I found the retreat to be a very helpful opportunity to take another deep look at my vocational calling.  I subsequently reconnected with my passion, my first love – Creation and Creator.

An important factor of why I was able to reconnect with Creator has to do with how CREDO is structured.  Namely, CREDO’s strength is its holistic approach to wellness – participants are invited to examine their minds, bodies, spirits, and hearts by examining four significant areas of their lives—spiritual, vocational, health, and financial. The ultimate goal is to tool clergy for continuing and deepening healthy patterns and commitment to lifelong wellness.

An important phrase for me became “sustainable spirit.”  Our spirits are not limitless resources – they can be spent, abused, misused and squandered. The work of heart, body, mind and spirit is all of whole cloth. Pull one thread too hard in any direction, and the tapestry is unwoven.  To live authentically, I believe, requires opportunities like CREDO to renew (in some cases, restore) one’s identity for genuine transformation (of both self and world).

In my discernment at CREDO, I was surprised to discover that I have a “Grand Dream.” My dream is a vision for Christian community living and worshiping in intimate spiritual relationship with God through the nurture of Creation, in deep coherence between what we avow with all that we do .  I will share more about this vision over time, but for now I would share a small baby step towards this dream.

I have changed my primary blog site in name and format to reflect the vision in my heart. The content formerly associated with my “Ordained Diva” blog can still be found here.  However, my new blog site is http://www.greeningspirit.com.  I have also updated my “About” me page in this new launch.

I look forward to sharing the journey with you, my blog follower community, and I am grateful for your friendship and virtual companionship.  You are a community of grace and blessing, and I love you very much. Thank you!

CREDO 277, Lake Logan

CREDO 277 at Lake Logan, NC

On Pilgrimage to Tolkien’s Hobbit Shire – Matamata, New Zealand

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John Ronald Reuel Tolkien (3 January 1892 – 2 September 1973), better known as JRR Tolkien,  is commonly described as an English writer, poet, philologist and university professor.

I first came into contact with his writing when I was 10 years old and read some of his works for the first time, The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings trilogy.  I needed plenty of reading for the long Grey Hound bus trips my mother and I took that summer on visits to family in Pennsylvania, so I had packed Tolkien along with my clothes and toothbrush.

As Tolkien did, I had an early love for the Fairy Books by Andrew Lang. My brother, Geoff, took me to my first public library when I was six years old and helped me get the “golden ticket to knowledge” otherwise known as a library card.  Nested among the towering stacks like a dormouse in an oak grove, I developed a passion for all ancient stories mythological, gathered from a wide spectrum of cultures.

Gandalf's Road into the Shire

Gandalf’s Road into the Shire

Tolkien was at one time a close friend of C. S. Lewis, whose Narnia books I found to be overtly squirt-gun-in-the-face Christian and overly simplistic in their storytelling and characters.  I would later encounter Lewis’s autobiographical books and appreciate his adult works as a Christian apologist. In terms of fictional narrative however, to me as a youth, Tolkien’s knowledge of ancient Icelandic and European myths and cultures conveyed a gritty grappling with issues of good and evil that seemed at once realistic and transcendent to a Western child as myself.

On a warm September night in 1931, Henry Victor Dyson, C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien went for an after-dinner walk on the grounds of Magdalen College, part of Oxford University. They took a stroll on Addison’s Walk, a beautiful tree-shaded path along the River Cherwell. They got into an argument that would last through the night.

A View of the Mill

A View of the Mill in Hobbiton

Lewis was in the midst of an anxious struggle with religious faith. Raised as an Irish Protestant, he had become an agnostic as a teenager. Though he came back to accepting the general idea of a divine presence, he was deeply reluctant to accept Christianity as a framework for belief. Dyson, a High Anglican, and Tolkien, a devout Roman Catholic ultimately swayed him by what could be called an evangelism of intellect.   As they marched back and forth along Addison’s Walk, Tolkien apparently argued for the literal and mythological truth of the Resurrection of Christ.

The pivotal moment came when Lewis declared that myths are lies, albeit “lies breathed through silver.” Tolkien replied, “No, they are not,” and demanded to know why Lewis could accept Icelandic sagas as vehicles of truth while demanding that the Gospels meet some higher standard.

Sheep on the Alexander Farm - Site of the Shire Set

Sheep on the Alexander Farm – Site of the Shire Set

Committed to the idea of myth as the only way to express higher truths, Lewis ultimately agreed with Tolkien’s argument for the power of myth to affect condition and change in the world and in people such that, “the Resurrection was the truest of all stories, with God as its poet.” Two weeks later, Lewis told a friend he had once again fully embraced Christianity: “My long night talk with Dyson and Tolkien had a good deal to do with it.” (See Steven Hart’s article in the Salon, December 3, 2003 – http://www.salon.com/2003/12/03/tolkien_lewis/)

In the early 1990”s, during my doctoral program in Folklore Studies at Indiana University, I worked at the Mathers Museum of World Cultures located on the Bloomington campus. While developing a learning module on comparative cosmologies, I created a study guide which circumscribed the basic tenets of Hopi culture and belief with those of the Christians who missionized them.  In the guide, I referred to certain Hopi sacred stories and  Christian sacred stories as myths, stories containing valid and significant transcendent truths – all of which pointed to important lessons and values for life in community.

View from Bag End over the Party Tree and Field

View from Bag End over the Party Tree and Field

On reviewing the study guide for publication, the museum director had a quiet but definitive, proverbial cow.  She subsequently called me into her office.

Having been raised a Baptist herself and drilled every Sunday in Scripture quote competitions from childhood, the museum director was very concerned about my use of the term “myth” to refer to any aspect of the Christian belief system.

“Aren’t you Christian? I thought you attended church services somewhere,” she queried in confusion.

“I do attend church.  However, I am also an academic, a folklorist and a cultural anthropologist,” I replied. “The term ‘myth’ is a category of narrative which recognizes stories containing truths and realities held as irrefutable for that culture – truth as named by that culture, as lived and discovered to be true and encoded in story through symbols and symbolic action. To categorize a story as myth is not to say it doesn’t contain truth, though that is how the term is often used as a way to dismiss stories judged to be unorthodox or outside culturally accepted norms.”

It took some convincing, but to the director’s credit, she allowed the term of myth to stand in reference to the Jesus narrative – as long as I provided a footnote explaining the term as I had described it to her. Myths, after all, point to that which is considered truth, not that what is necessarily considered to be factually accurate.  As a Native Tlingit friend  said before sharing a story with me not long ago, “I don’t know if it happened this way, but I know that it is true.”

A Shire Garden

A Shire Garden

I believe that one of the great appeals about The Lord of the Rings is that Tolkien successfully employed archetypes and symbols deeply embedded within the development of Western civilization.  Consequently, it is a story into which many who look upon it are symbolically literate in its lexicon.  As a result, they can readily enter in and are validated in the daily small actions of courage, sacrifice, love, loyalty and friendship required to successfully confront and conquer death in the epic journey of life.  In this way, it is a romantic narrative, to be sure. Yet, I would say that romance – living a meaningful life of some consequence – is a universal human value, a longing that transcends across cultures and times.

When Peter Jackson and Fran Walsh brought The Lord of the Rings to film (The Fellowship of the Ring – 2001, The Two Towers – 2002 and The Return of the King -2003), it was considered one of the biggest and most ambitious film projects ever undertaken. The entire project took eight years, with the filming for all three films done simultaneously and entirely in New Zealand, Jackson’s native country.  Though the films follow the book’s general storyline, they do omit some of the novel’s plot elements and include some additions to and deviations from the source material. However, the archetypal elements remain and were even enhanced by the story translation to cinema.

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Looking up the Shire Hill

Tolkien considered The Lord of the Rings to be primarily a Christian work. However,  its spiritual themes were carefully buried within the story. He understood both the importance of maintaining the accessible nature of key symbols and the craft of good story telling.  In his writing, he was informed by the Christian myths of his faith as well as many “pagan” mythologies with which he was familiar.

In one of his letters, he wrote:

“The Lord of the Rings is of course a fundamentally religious and Catholic work; unconsciously so at first, but consciously in the revision. That is why I have not put in, or have cut out, practically all references to anything like ‘religion’, to cults or practices, in the imaginary world. For the religious element is absorbed into the story and the symbolism.” (Tolkien letters # 142).

The story and the symbolism of Tolkien were dramatically incarnated in the Jackson/Walsh screenplay – from characters to costumes, soundtrack to scenery, and from imagination to illustration – the world of Middle Earth came to life before our eyes, retelling a mythic story to a new generation of life adventurers.  Jackson’s story telling finesse turns the cinema screen into an ancient campfire around which the many gather as a great story is told.  It is a Great Story (a true myth) that speaks to the great themes of destiny, hope, love and identity, and – within all of journey of self – how to approach that time which comes to each of us, in the letting go of self.

The Potter Hobbit Hole

The Potter’s Hobbit Hole

In late November of last year, I had the opportunity to travel to New Zealand on church business related to indigenous ministries.  Once again, working from the awareness of comparative cosmologies, I found myself listening for the golden moments when indigenous worldviews and Christian worldviews found common intersection in action, form or belief.  Issues of identity are core in Native churching, how to literally and symbolically integrate different worlds of meaning is like watching two universes slowly collide across eons of time – it is sometimes tearfully beautiful, sometimes frighteningly powerful, always risking the integrity of both until a new entity with its own unique integrity is eventually coalesced into an authentic peace.

Indigenous peoples (among others) understand the power, vital necessity and role of myth within our very cultural marrow.  We appreciate how story and symbols, meaning and transformation, the past and the future of peoples and beings are deeply interwoven.  For a long time, the Christian story profoundly spoke and shaped the reality of multiple European cultures and all whom the Western world touched. However, as the Christian story of the West was forged over time (within conflicts of theologies, societies and empires), meanings of symbols and their context known to the early church were forgotten. As Galadriel notes in the opening monologue to Jackson’s Fellowship of the Ring, “Some things that should not have been forgotten were lost. History became legend, legend became myth….”

Additionally, like the Jackson/Walsh script of Lord of the Rings, the development of Christianity – while keeping to an essential oral story line – gradually omitted  some of the original elements and began to include some additions to and deviations from the source material in the canon of our inherited Scripture (quite literally, a book). That said, the key symbols evoked for the first Christian communities remain, and those keys can open many doors.

Marital Home of Samwise Gamgee and Rosie Cotton

Marital Home of Samwise Gamgee and Rosie Cotton

After completing official church business in New Zealand, I spent some time exploring an area on the North Island where Jackson filmed parts of Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit.  Specifically, I traveled to the Alexander Farm just outside the north central town of Matamata that was the film shooting location for the Shire – the mythic land of the Hobbits.

As geeky as my little pilgrimage may seem to some, it was a spiritual pilgrimage, after all.

From the mind of an academic Christian, the archetypal symbols encoded in the Christian story were rendered anew – reincarnated in rings, armies, white towers and dark towers, princes and princesses, love and loyalty, warriors, dead places and living places, hobbits, kings, elves, wizards, a Gollum, uruk-hai, and a lidless eye.  A prominent theme for Tolkien (who served as an officer in the First World War) is that in the struggle against evil, there is no shame in defeat – only in not fighting. Additionally, there were always opportunities for redemption, with the true kingdom of humanity living in peace and prosperity for all. All of these themes are threaded together on an epic hero’s quest, relying most of all on the strength of friendships for its success.

Home of Bilbo and Frodo Baggins

Home of Bilbo and Frodo Baggins

Today, when we speak of the Apostles, martyrs and first century Christian community, I am not sure we remember that they were first and foremost friends. They were friends, who died so that others of their friends might survive. They also loved  the friend they had known who died before them, in a very human effort to confront oppression and bring genuine change. I think one of the most important messages the church needs to hear and rediscover today is that we are asked to be friends –  to recognize how our lives depend on one another, and how the gifts we each bring are essential and necessary for our mutual success in making a better world and a better church.  In these efforts, we can leave no one behind. Those that would leave some behind have failed in the quest before they ever began.

Ultimately, we are reminded that life is an adventure.  There is really not much we can control, and weathering hard times will always hold challenges.  Yet, as Gandalf is given to say by Tolkien, “All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.”

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Enjoyed a Beer Inside the Green Dragon Tavern

Eventually, a time will come to each of us when our own part in the journey of life is concluded.  As we contemplate coming to “The End” of our own story, we can be encouraged by having a sense of what may come next – off the page and outside the margins of life:

Pippin:  I didn’t think it would end up this way.

Gandalf:  End? No, the journey doesn’t end here. Death is just another path, one that we all must take. The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all turns to silver glass, and then you see it.

Pippin: What? Gandalf? See what?

Gandalf:  White shores, and beyond, a far green country under a swift sunrise.

Pippin:  Well, that isn’t so bad.

Gandalf:  No. No, it isn’t.

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Chair by the Fire in the Green Dragon

I sit beside the fire and think of all that I have seen,
of meadow-flowers and butterflies in summers that have been;
Of yellow leaves and gossamer in autumns that there were,
with morning mist and silver sun and wind upon my hair.
I sit beside the fire and think of how the world will be
when winter comes without a spring that I shall ever see.

For still there are so many things that I have never seen:
in every wood in every spring there is a different green.
I sit beside the fire and think of people long ago,
and people who will see a world that I shall never know.
But all the while I sit and think of times there were before,
I listen for returning feet and voices at the door.

                                                                          JRR Tolkien

Pull Up a Chair...and Join Me!

Pull Up a Chair…and Join Me!

When We Were Young

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When I look through Victorian era photos of my grandmothers, I am in awe of what deeply joyful girls they were and what strong women they became.  At times, I find myself imagining how they must have been as children or as teenagers.  It’s clear from family stories and old photos that they both enjoyed laughter and were deeply loyal to friends and family.

Both my grandmothers fell in love, knew heartbreak and loss, raised children in times of economic challenge, and all while serving their churches, their parents and their communities.  So many relied upon them, so many friends loved them, so many memories and personal sacrifices were ultimately gifted to their grandchildren.

My father’s mother, Urilda, experienced the meteoric rise to economic prosperity of her father’s business ventures.  Born to a farming family that tinkered away on creating new types of farm equipment, her father (Frederick Ingersoll) was a natural mechanical engineer and designed roller coasters for 19th century amusement parks known as Luna Parks. He ultimately designed and was invested in several of them, and they practically lived at Krug Park, the gem of Frederick’s Luna parks in Omaha.

Urilda Augusta Ingersoll

Urilda as a Young Woman

Sepia photographs of Urilda capture a childhood of visits to the family farm as well as life in a manor house, private girls school and European tour.  She was an amazing pianist and studied in both France and Germany.  Along the way she met and fell in love with an itinerant artist, Clarence Wilbur Taber, Jr., the spoiled son of the creator of the Taber’s Medical encyclopedia.  From the letters I have between Urilda and CW, it was a complicated love affair with a man who seemed utterly unable to commit or be responsible for any of his actions and choices.  Ultimately, he wandered away from two wives (Urilda was the second), each with a set of children. At one point, Urilda mothered both her own two sons by him as well as three stepchildren, supporting Clarence (as absent as ever) through the loss of his young daughter.

Susan, Katie, Fred and Urilda - Krug Park, MI

Susan, Katie, Fred and Urilda – Krug Park, Omaha, NE

With the stock market crash and unexpected death of her father, most of the Luna Parks went bust as investors pulled out or simply went broke.  Two years after Frederick’s death, a horrific roller coaster accident killed several riders at Krug Park.  Any residual income that Urilda had, along with her sister (Susan) and mother (Katie), dried up completely as part of court settlements.  The three women moved to Atlantic City, where Urilda and Susan were employed as factory workers for the Heinz Company (makers of fine ketchup, mustard and pickles).  To tide them over, any remaining family finery of furs, silver and jewelry were gradually sold off to keep the women and Urilda’s two toddler-age sons fed, clothed and housed.

Cousin Emma, Urilda, Susan with James and Julian - Atlantic City

Cousin Emma, Urilda, Susan with James and Julian – Atlantic City

Bob, Hope & Scott Taber

Bob, Hope and Scott Taber

My mother’s mother story was also influenced by both farm life and the rising industrialism and innovation indicative of American life at the turn of the 20th century.  Reba, my grandmother, was the oldest daughter of three girls (along with Bunchie and Margie) born to Effie.  Shortly after her own mother died, Effie herself ran away from home to live with cousins as a child abused by an unhappy stepmother.  Even Effie’s father agreed it was the right move to make on her part.  So, Effie grew up on a farm in rural Pennsylvania and fell in love with one of those cousins, Walter.

By all accounts an intelligent and quiet man who loved to walk for miles at a time, Walter became an engineer with the Pennsylvania Railroad.  Considered a hot ticket similar to being a jet pilot of his day, Walter managed to remain humble and practical.  He often took his young daughter, Reba, with him on certain rail trips.  She recounted to me fondly how she once was with him when they rounded the famous Horseshoe Curve, a maneuver that allowed a view of the whole train at once, with the workers in the caboose waving at her from across the gorge while she sat in her father’s lap in the engine.

Horseshoe Curve

Horseshoe Curve

During a time when women did not have many career options, the three choices for employment outside of the home were to work as a nurse, a teacher or a secretary. As a young woman, Reba felt a strong pull to become a deaconess in her Lutheran tradition.  However, as the oldest daughter, she knew that her parents were depending on her to care for them in their old age.  So, instead of pursuing vocation, Reba became a teacher.

In high school, Reba’s red hair, beauty, smarts and good humor made her very popular, and (her children share with pride) she even dated the captain of the football team.  However, her heart was ultimately won over by a transplanted Canadian who worked as an engineer for Westinghouse.

There were few men that Reba ever really spoke well of. Her father and her beloved Cecil (her husband) were two of them.  As a couple, Reba and Cecil were extremely involved with their church.  They both taught Sunday school, Cecil coached wrestling at the local high school, and Reba wrote 4rth-grade reading level how-to books for unwed mothers on how to care for their babies.

They had two daughters, Patty and Lisa (short for Elizabeth) fifteen years apart.  The long hiatus between children is attributed to the years when Cecil cared for his stepmother.  The family memory is that Cecil felt a deep debt of gratitude towards his step mother for rescuing him, his brother (Howard) and their father from their father’s alcoholism after the death of Cecil’s mother. After his father died, Cecil took it on himself to help support his step mother, who apparently had little regard for Reba.  This would explain why the stepmother wasn’t taken into Reba’s home.  Subsequently, during the intervening fifteen years his stepmother remained alive, Cecil lived during the week with her and spent the weekends at home with Reba.  When his stepmother died, he moved back with his wife permanently, and voilà! A second child came along.

Alexander Family

Reba, Patty, Cecil, Lisa

Sadly, Cecil’s brother – a fireman for the Canadian Railway – died tragically in a head-on collision with another train.  The newspaper article carefully tucked away among treasured family items reports that Howard was pinned for several hours, alive in the wreckage, until a doctor could reach him to perform an amputation of his leg.  The effort was far too late, and Howard died before he could be brought back to town.  I believe that a ring I have of the fraternal order of Canadian Railway firemen belongs to him – the loop of it is dented and the crest shows the tender signs of regular wear.  It must have been returned to the family when Howard’s body came home to Ailsa Craig, Ontario.

After Cecil died suddenly at the age of 56, Reba kept her promise of taking care of her parents and never remarried.

Reba and LaVene

Reba and Patty

Reba’s eldest daughter, Patty (my mother), was raised within the breadth of expectations that a teacher and dedicated Lutheran Christian woman might have for her daughter.  In other words, my mother lived with a certain pressure that could rightly be characterized as simultaneously attempting to achieve perfection in all things while also greatly resenting the pressure to attempt to achieve perfection in all things.

My mother was a straight-A student and mightily excelled in her artistic and musical talents.  She desperately wanted to pursue a career in theater and arts, but (based on what my mother shared with me in later years) Reba felt that education and marriage assured greater security.  I also suspect that Reba’s own sense of familial and Christian responsibility generated a certain fear in my mother of never wanting to be perceived as selfish. As a result, my mother rarely bought anything for herself but enjoyed vicarious joy in being generously gifting towards her family.  Growing up, I was frequently perplexed by my mother’s quiet battle of guilt whenever she felt very attached to something – a car, a coat, a sewing room, a home decoration.  When I once gifted her with a art deco doll that I knew she adored, she was very concerned that my father would be angry since he had criticized her for wanting to spend money on such a frivolous thing.  I’m not sure he realized how acutely skilled he could be in pushing her skillfully hidden childhood buttons.

Don, Julian, Patty, Geoff, Margie & Goldie, Ocean City

Julian, Patty, Aunt Margie & Lisa with Don and Geoff – Ocean City

Like her father, my mother also died suddenly at the age of 56.  My father (Julian), with whom she raised 3 children (Don, Geoff and me), was genuinely and desperately heart broken.  For a man who spent much of his life trying not to rely on others (given the childhood experience of an absent father) and doing everything possible to keep others (even his own children) at a certain emotional distance, the loss of my mother just about broke his spirit.

Between the loss of his wife, one of the few people he ever trusted with his own vulnerabilities, and his open-heart surgery a few years later, my father at last began to mellow under the tenderizing hammer of life as he entered his seventies. Once there, he turned again to his own artistic side – oil painting, writing poetry and short stories, and playing the recorder and the keyboard, things he had done in his early adulthood but had put away during years of career building and child rearing.

Urilda Taber with sons, Julian & James, Atlantic City

Urilda with Julian and James – Atlantic City

My father died a month short of his 80th birthday.  It was a swift death and – I believe – painless.  He was as surprised as I was, which I can say with certainty because I was with him.

He told me that when I was born, the nice Jewish obstetrician brought me to him in the waiting room and handed me into my father’s arms saying, “Mazel tov, Mr. Taber! You have a beautiful baby girl!”

My father took one look at my reddened face still mooshed from childbirth and said, “What is it, and what am I supposed to do with it?”

I think my father spent a lifetime trying to answer that question.  To our mutual credit and wisdom, it was a journey we ultimately took together.

Not long ago, when my husband (Nigel) and I were traveling in Ireland, I heard a song on the radio by the British group, Take That. The song is called, “When We Were Young,” and every time I hear it I see visions of my own youth welling up in my memory like the font of some inner pool of life:

Had the world by the tail,
Good would prevail,
Starships would sail
And none of us would fail in this life
Not when you’re young
We were drawn to whoever
Could keep us together
And bound by the heavens above
And we tried to survive
Traveling at the speed of love

To see the music video of this song, check this out –

These lyrics securely draw together the treasure of my own youth like the pull strings of a cinch purse.  I have loved being alive.  I have not always loved everything that has ever happened to me, but I have ultimately loved being alive.  However, this is only because I have had the experience of loving others and being loved…

Cousins Reunion 2010

Our “Cousins Reunion” of 2010
Me, Walter, Don, Paul and Geoff

Other family members, grandmothers, aunts and uncles, parents, my brothers, high school and college friends, kindred spirits, boy friends that dumped me, boy friends that I dumped, and finally the man who is my husband of twenty years.  I’ve loved sweet spiritual companions who were disguised as cats or dogs, landscapes, starlight and moon rises over water.  I love the ethereal that is God and the mortal human that inspired a love movement who had the courage to name and claim the responsibility of a life fully lived for the purpose of love.

SUNY at Geneseo, 25th College Reunion
Drama/Music/Dance

When I look through Victorian era photos of my grandmothers, I am in awe of what deeply joyful girls they were and what strong women they became.  At times, I find myself imagining how they must have been as children or as teenagers.  It’s clear from family stories and old photos that they both enjoyed laughter and were deeply loyal to friends and family.

When I look through the photos of my own youth, I don’t have to imagine.  I remember.  And I am so grateful for all the love that I have ever known.  It is a blessed heritage of all the ages past, even of all the ages of one’s life.

In Production of “Hold Me” c. 1985

SUNY Geneseo

Loved Always and Forever – Geneseo

Becky Clark
Sister Spirit

Skyping Nigel – Husbunny of 20 Years

New Years Eve

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St. Augustine of HippoBuried toward the back of his Confessions (Book XI), St. Augustine of Hippo (AD 354-430) shares his philosophical contemplations about the nature of Time and Eternity.

St Augustine wrote, “What about those two times, past and future: in what sense do they have real being, if the past no longer exists and the future does not exist yet? As for the present time, if that were always present and never slipped away into the past, it would not be time at all; it will be eternity.”

He ultimately concludes that time (as past, present and future) is a reality of the mind: the present is a fleeting awareness; our familiarity with the past is through a present remembrance of it; and our pondering of the future is through a current sense of expectation. He wrote: “It is inaccurate to say, “there are three tenses of time: past, present and future,” rather, “there are three tenses or times: the present of past things, the present of present things, the present of future things.”

Another way to think about this is to understand that the only time we live within and can be said to meaningfully possess is – now.

Hands Holding a Seedling and SoilI am keeping this in mind on this New Year’s Eve day, as I reflect on the past and ponder the future.  It’s easy to become lost or made fearful by either (or both) realms.  Then I remember St. Augustine’s observation, and I realize that that there is no realm of loss or anxiety but the emotional landscape created within my own mind.  And so, perhaps this is a good “time” and a good day to take a tour of that landscape and consider what terrain I want to cultivate therein – like a good mental gardener.

GraveyardThe first place I need to visit is the cemetery of my inward land.  I am aware that some shadow of me stands loyally and most especially beside the grave of my father.  Somehow, I can’t believe he’s in there, and I wish very deeply that he wasn’t.  I have lots of existential belief and faith as well that the eternal aspect of him has gone on, but I have not. I am haunting him, I think.  And I would like not to be a ghost in my own life.

Roman Amphitheatre, SiracusaThe next stop on the tour is Roman amphitheater wherein I seem to spend much time as some kind of spiritual and intellectual gladiator.  The truth is, I enjoy combat. There is something very satisfying about eviscerating bigots, misogynists, racists and harmful people.  Yet, the quandary is always the same – if the spiritual “peaceful warrior” is to be anything more than an oxymoron and I am to be more than enslaved, I need to know less war and more peace – mentally stepping out the arena of conflict to choose freedom from it.

Ireland & UK 3 240This next stop isn’t really a place, and yet I inhabit it – my body.  St. Francis of Assisi used to refer to his body (with all it’s illnesses, frailties and needs) as his “ass” as in the relative of a donkey.  My body is more like a Tazzy (Australian for Tasmanian Devil, and there’s me holding one at the Australia Zoo in 2010). Like a Tazzy, if I’m not zooming around like a crazy thing, I’m completely soporific. I do find body minding to be something of a nuisance, and so I suppose my attitude needs adjusting to re-appreciate the body as an aspect of God’s creation that requires good stewardship as a spiritual discipline.  Eating well, staying fit, getting outside – all of it is part of the balance of the now, and I would like to regain that balance.

Bird BranchThen there is my home.  It’s something of a rubbish heap and is not really at all conducive to fostering the peace I need.  The word of the day there is “simplify,” which includes living where I don’t spend 3 – 4 hours in a car everyday getting to and from work. There is much stuff to sort through and an environment to create which will itself foster creativity.  A creative spirit like mine loves wings, space to fly and a little branch to rest on at the end of the day.

FirefliesFinally, the last stop I would share with you is a quiet, gentle place at the edge of a lake just as twilight settles and the moon rises, where stars reveal in darkness overhead and fireflies do love dances in the moving ether of soft mist. This is where I really live in the now and yet it is not a “here” at all.  It is my best me, and it is where I promise myself to live within and from in every now I am.

Happy New Year, indeed!

In fact, I wish you bliss in your eternal now.

10 Spiritual Practices toward a Peaceful Christmas

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God_Rest_Ye_Merry_Gentlemen“God rest ye, merry gentlemen – let nothing you dismay.

Remember, Christ our Savior was born on Christmas Day!”

For many of us, the Advent and Christmas seasons can often mean the onset of a couple of unwelcome guests – Stress and Depression. In the midst of what is presented as a joyous time, we can often experience a burden of expectations (imposed by others or by the self) that can create a long list of demands upon us – parties, gatherings, watching a seemingly endless series of traditional movies, attending the theater or ballet, shopping, baking, Christmas pageant preparations, cleaning and entertaining, as well as decorating and driving around looking for “needed” items (just to name just a few stress triggers).

It’s so important to remind ourselves and our families that the Spirit of Christmas is not some kind of divine bullwhip driving us into a manic frenzy of over-commitment and consumerism. Rather, the Spirit of Christmas is a gently-whispered invitation to enter the quiet contemplation of the Holy Nativity scene – the hidden Crèche within each of our hearts, wherein lies the sleeping Christ Child.

Through some practical spiritual practices, we can help ourselves to minimize the stress that accompanies the Season and ensure that the King of Peace really is born into our world (into and through each one of us) this Christmas. To this end, here are 10 Spiritual Practices I have put together for your consideration in this Season of the Spirit.

1) Acknowledge you feelings. Whatever your feelings about this time of year or Christmas, acknowledge them. If someone close to you has recently died or you can’t be with those you love, realize that it’s normal to feel sadness and even grief at significant holidays and anniversary dates. It’s alright to take time to mourn or express your feelings. Try not to “force yourself” or permit others to force you to be artificially cheerful just because it’s the holiday season. Choose how you will manage your feelings and care for yourself, so that you can be authentically present to others (and to God), honoring your own needs as well as those of others.

2) Reach out. If you feel lonely or isolated, seek out community; come to our various church services or other social events around you – even if it’s just for a little while. These resources and gatherings can offer support and companionship, even if all you talk about is the sale at Macy’s, contemplate the weather, or just rest and take in what’s happening around you. Volunteering your time to help others is a great way to change your focus as well as broaden your friendships. Practice community – by bringing your whole and sacred self into the presence of the Season.

3) Be realistic. The holidays don’t have to be perfect or just like years gone by. As families change and grow, traditions and rituals can change as well. Feeling nostalgic is natural, but we also follow a God who promises to renew all things. So, choose a few traditions to hold on to, but be open to creating new ones. For example, if your adult children can’t come to your house, find new ways to celebrate together, such as sharing pictures, emails, videos or Skype!

4) Set aside differences. (This is not asking the same as asking for reconciliation, which can be a life-long spiritual work). As a spiritual practice for the Season, try to accept family members and friends as they are, even if they don’t live up to all of your expectations. Set aside grievances until a more appropriate time for discussion. If you really cannot tolerate someone’s unhealthy behavior, limit your exposure to them through clear boundary setting of your time and participation – plan for a low-key, healthy exit strategy for the times when you may need one. You may even want to create a rescue code word or phrase (like “fruitcake!” or “the penguins must be hungry!”) in order to alert a close friend to quietly support you as you remove yourself from a given situation. However, be understanding if others get upset or distressed when something goes awry with planned events. Chances are good that they’re experiencing the effects of holiday stress and depression, too, but they haven’t identified those feelings.

5) Budget. Be a Good Steward of the resources God has provided to you, and stick to a budget you can afford. Before you go gift and food shopping, decide how much money you can afford to spend. Then, stick to your budget! Don’t try to buy happiness or gratitude with gifts – guilt is always bad credit. Instead, remember the Pearl of Great Price – the genuine article of Love that can only ever be truly given when it is given with no expectation of return. Try these alternatives: Donate to a charity in someone’s name, give homemade gifts, or write a handwritten letter – a personal letter is a precious and rare thing these days!

6) Plan ahead. Scripture consistently reminds us to be prepared – this spiritual practice applies to daily living as well as waiting for Christ (which very much characterizes Advent). Set aside specific days and times for preparations such as shopping, baking, visiting friends, Advent prayers/reading at home and other activities. If you’ve committed to assisting at church services, be sure to arrive a little early for personal prayer and centering – church isn’t just one more “task” to check off at this time of year. Rather, church services and service to others can help keep us grounded and fed by the Season instead of exhausted and depleted by it.

7) Learn to say a holy, healthy “no.” Saying yes when you should say no can leave you feeling resentful and overwhelmed later. Friends and colleagues will understand if you can’t participate in every project or activity. If it’s not possible to say no to something, try to remove something else from your agenda to make up for the given time – set your priorities and stay with them. The spiritual practice of a holy, healthy “no” helps preserve and sustain our best health during a time when God asks us for the gift of our attention – inviting us to be fully present to the in-breaking of the Divine on Earth and within our own hearts.

8) Don’t abandon healthy habits. Christmas is a time for celebration but not for reckless abandon – try not to let the Season become an excuse for losing your spiritual mindfulness. Overindulgence only adds to stress and guilt later. So, have a healthy snack before attending holiday parties so that you don’t go overboard on sweets, cheese or drinks. Use small plates for buffets and servings. Also, continue to get plenty of sleep and physical activity, offsetting any extra calories you may choose to take in.

9) Relax. Remember: the song is “God REST Ye, Merry Gentlemen!” Be intentional about scheduling some time for yourself. Spend at least 15 minutes alone every day of Advent as a Mini Sabbath – a sacred time without distractions or agenda; this can refresh you enough to handle what you need to accomplish. Take a walk at night and stargaze. Listen to soothing music. Find an image of the Sacred within your inward vision that reduces stress for you – then, clear your mind, slow your breathing, and restore your inner calm.

10) Don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Despite your best efforts and best spiritual practices, you may find yourself feeling persistently sad or anxious, plagued by physical discomfort, unable to sleep, feeling irritable or hopeless – the season may disjoint you completely, causing you to feel unable to face even routine chores. If these feelings last for a while, please talk to your doctor or a mental health professional. You may feel more comfortable initially speaking with a clergy person, such as [*gasp!*] your Pastor. If you would like to speak with me, please be assured that I will help find a referral resource for you for ongoing professional support while maintaining your confidentiality and respecting your privacy.

Ultimately, the most valuable gift we can bring to Christ at Christmastide is ourselves – complete and whole, just as we are – with all our feelings, all our messiness, all our hopes and fears, all our talents and insecurities. We are asked to leave it all at the Manger, in the sure and certain confidence that to God it is all priceless treasure. Even as much as Advent is a time of preparation, it is also a journey of remembrance – timelessly reminding us that we are unconditionally loved by the Christ who is Emanuel, “God with Us.” Now, always…and forever.

May you have a truly Blessed Advent and Merry Christmas,

Experiencing a truly sacred Season of the Spirit.

Greccio 6

Respect as a Spiritual Practice in Community

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Respect is  a Living Energy Between Beings

Several years ago I was introduced to a description of “10 Rules for Respect” that seem to me to be more relevant and central to my work with every passing year – especially within a parish setting.

During my visit to Austin, Texas three years ago, The Rev. Greg Rickel (now The Rt. Rev. Gregory Rickel, Bishop of the Episcopal Diocese of Olympia in Western Washington) handed me a copy of 10 Rules for Respect, reflecting the original that was framed and hung on his office wall. He had come across the list of rules through another associate mentor and modified them slightly to his own circumstances.

I’ve worked within other organizational settings and attended a myriad of leadership seminars that address the topic of “respect” in ways that seemed to take what should be understood as THE central dynamic of healthy community and dissected it to such an extent as to leave it lifeless and gutless, spread-eagle and pinned on an endless series of flip-chart sheets.

Respect is a living energy between beings that – when it is present – inspires innovative problem-solving processes and creative vision. Additionally, mutual respect promotes individual confidence as well as team trust, whether the team is composed of 2 people or 20.

Often, I have felt deeply troubled by the variety of ways that people avoid healthy and direct communication in the church environment – the very place where everyone should reasonably expect to be heard and committed to treating one another respectfully.  As an ordained leader, when I have parishioners saying to me that they are personally negatively impacted when I am not treated with respect, then I know there is a significant problem to address systemically within the culture of our church environment.

Respect is particularly at risk within the context of disagreement or conflict.  The attitude seems to be, “Because I disagree with you or don’t like you, I can behave badly toward you.”  Anyone parenting a teenager knows how that bird doesn’t fly.  If disrespect doesn’t serve a family setting well, it definitely doesn’t support the vital life of an organization or community.

The Rules for Respect that I would like to encourage as a spiritual practice within my leadership and parish include:

1.   If you have a problem with me, come to me (privately).

I want people to raise their concerns or observations with me.  However, often the group setting is not the appropriate place to raise them – especially if the concern is of an interpersonal nature and contributes to a dynamic that can derail the work and purpose of the group or task at hand. Taking the time and mustering the healthy courage to meet with leadership privately shows respect in itself, as well as a commitment to both a relationship with me and regard for the work of the group.  If we can develop greater mutual understanding between us, our work together will positively impact work within the group or community setting.

2.  If I have a problem with you, I will come to you (privately).

Leaders can be as guilty as anyone of triangulating – with other parishioners or with their bishop.  So, it’s important in healthy leadership to seek opportunities to speak directly with the person with whom they are having difficulty.  There are times, though, when individuals can also be conflict avoidant, preferring to air their complaints to everyone except the leader.  When people decline to meet or speak with me, it signals to me that an individual is more interested in controlling a situation than in improving it. Genuine respect and commitment to communal health means making the time to talk when we disagree and to always seek reconciliation, which is part of our biblical mandate as a community of faith.

3.  If someone has a problem with me and comes to you, send them to me. (I will do the same for you).

Avoid getting sucked into a triangle. Respect means not encouraging conversations about others that devolve into collusive gripe sessions.  Rather please encourage people to have direct conversation with the only person who can actually do anything to address the concerns being raised – the rector.  I won’t encourage the formation of coalitions or “sides” against someone, and I expect the same if someone has an issue with me. It can take a while to develop trust in one another, but without directly addressing our issues with one another, we will not be able to know either individual holistic growth or communal spiritual growth.

4.  If someone consistently will not come to me, say, “Let’s go to Rachel together.  I am sure she will meet with us.” (I will do the same for you).

Sometimes, people get stuck in a complaining mode and don’t really want relationships and communal life to be any different, because the way things are (even if they aren’t good) is comfortable and familiar.  Engaging the difficult work of healthy communication is just that – work!  In the church community, we need to be present for one another and to challenge one another toward our greatest potential in healthy and whole relationships.  I am committed to listening to you, though there is always the possibility that you may not like what you hear in return – especially if it’s something with which you do not agree.  We can disagree, and we can be mutually respectful as we disagree.

5.   Be careful how you interpret me; I would rather do that.  On matters that are unclear, do not feel pressured to interpret my feelings or thoughts.  It is easy to misinterpret intentions, which can cause further problems.

I take lots and lots of time and opportunity to provide education explaining why and what I am doing and why I may be making a given change.  However, someone may still have confusion or unanswered questions about what I am saying, instructing or envisioning. I always hope that when there are questions people will share those – if not in the moment, then later or privately.  Chances are good that if one person has a need for clarity, others do as well.  However, one thing that really does frustrate me is – after having carefully explained a change – I overhear the person I have carefully explained it to say to someone else, “We’re doing it this way because Rachel said so!”

I want to bang my head on a wall whenever I overhear this, because I am actually not a dictator – as convenient as someone may find it to evoke my name in order to get something done quickly.  I prefer and strive to model collaborative leadership by continually seeking input from others.  If you wonder why something “dreadful” is happening, it’s quite likely that I would not want you to have the experience of it as dreadful. So, please check out the motivations that may be assigned to me by actually asking me if it’s what I intended to communicate, be or do. If someone has questions about my intentions, please direct them to speak with me directly. Just because a person may be scared to talk with me doesn’t mean I’m actually a scary person.

6.  I will be careful how I interpret you.

It has been said, “It’s lonely at the top.” This can be especially true when leaders of a community imagine that “the villagers” are coming after them with pitchforks and bearing kindling for a one-stake fire. In the same way that parishioners can allow their thoughts to run along the line of, “The rector hasn’t visited or phoned and therefore doesn’t care,” rector’s can allow the negative comments of a volatile few to overwhelm the extremely positive comments of the other 200 people in their pews.  Chances are high that if a parishioner is having the experience that “no one at church cares about my illness/condition/surgery/plight,” it’s because no one has thought to pass along the fact that the parishioner even has an illness/condition/surgery/ plight to the rector. Chances are also high that the parishioner with a simple process question is not one who is leading a campaign to burn down the rectory.

7.  If it’s confidential, do not share it. If you or anyone comes to me in confidence, I will not share it unless: a) the person is going to harm himself/herself, b) the person is going to physically harm someone else, or c) a child has been physically or sexually abused.  I expect the same from you.

The number one reason why “things fall apart” within a church organization is due to the inability to maintain confidentiality.  People serving in professional corporate settings where confidentiality is critical are used to keeping confidences.  However, not everyone serving in the various volunteer ministries and leadership groups within a parish has had the experience of keeping confidential information.

The great thing about me being a priest is that you can say anything you need to say to me in the way you need to say it, and I will always assure you of God’s (and my) love and confidentiality.  Remember that I am ethically (and in the case of sexual abuse of minors, legally) obliged to take steps to prevent harm to self or others.  When I share privileged information with my pastoral peers (and that means lay leaders and parishioners as well as clergy), it’s because I have determined that you need to be aware of the information for the greater care of people. Please keep that care always before you, even when it’s challenging, and never pressure anyone to reveal confidential information for which they are responsible.

8.  I do not read unsigned letters or notes.

Anonymity is the epitome of opting out of relationship.  The foundation of community is relationship.  Not providing a name is not about a commitment to relationship or to community building.  Anonymity is about fear and violence directed toward individuals in positions of authority or responsibility who have influence that the anonymous person seeks to challenge in the unhealthiest of ways; intimidation is the hallmark of a bully, and I will not indulge bullies.

9.  I do not manipulate; I will not be manipulated; do not let others manipulate you.  Do not let others manipulate me through you.

As much as people might like to apply the term “family” to a church community, not every family has known the experience of healthy and mature communication or ways of relating to one another.  A healthy community requires pushing back on those who would hide their intentions by asking others to represent them.  If someone encourages you to do or say something on their behalf, challenge them to speak for themselves; do not shield them from either the responsibility or consequences of their sentiments or actions.

10.  When in doubt, just say it. The only problematic questions are those that don’t get asked.  At the end of the day, our relationships with one another are the most important aspect of our communal life and shared work.  So, if you have a concern, pray and then (if led) speak up.  If I can answer it without misrepresenting someone or breaking a confidence, I will.

“Trust” is the watchword of healthy relationship.  Developing trust in relationships with one another and within relationships with leaders may take time for some but it also takes commitment from everyone.  The wellbeing of parishioners and the development and implementation of the vision and life of the community does not belong to only to the ordained leadership but to the full Body of Christ that is the membership and the ministry of the Baptized.

We serve one another; without words and actions that embody authentic respect for one another we have nothing different to offer the world beyond our doors except more of what it is already used to.  Respect must be our spiritual practice as a community of faith.

The Divine in Me Honors the Divine in You

The Grand Journey

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People take lots of kinds of journeys throughout life, to places geographical, emotional, spiritual, internal, difficult, joyful, perplexing, mysterious or unknown – as ever journeys can be.  There are journeys we are on as individuals and journeys we are on as societies. The impact of a journey can be as powerfully and immediately transformational as a meteor strike, or it can be as soft and beckoned as the gradual morning dawn.

Dirt Road to the Haulapai Nation, Grand Canyon West, AZ

A series of steps and encounters during my life has brought me to an unexpected place of feeling a powerful need to advocate for a people that have been so much a part of my life that, in the naiveté of my own acceptance of them, I did not fully realize were/are fighting and dying for their basic human rights and dignity on a level of global cultural genocide.  They have never, not a one, ever asked or sought my help, you see.  They are a proud people.  I have been living beside them and with them for years as a steadfast confidant, friend or pastoral care giver.

While I could see and respond to their individual suffering as they gifted me with the sharing of it throughout my life, it took me standing on the edge of the Grand Canyon last week for me to finally see the broad global pattern of socially institutionalized persecution that has held them in thrall for millennia.  Their degradation, humiliation and even annihilation is so deeply imbedded in three of the world’s largest faith traditions – which maintain encoded prejudices from sources held in common – that I now perceive an abyss representing both historic time and cultural divide that cause me both inarticulate amazement and abject horror.  I truly did not “get it” until now.

Walk with me.

Grand Canyon Ground Squirrel

When I was little, my mother told me stories about her early life as a vocalist with the Pennsylvania Light Opera and flutist with Pittsburgh Philharmonic.  At some point in her career she had the opportunity to work with conductor Leonard Bernstein, unarguably one of the most talented composers and musicians in America.  He enjoyed her company, and they attended parties and gatherings together that my mother recalled with great fondness.  My mother obviously liked and admired him very much.

My six year old self once asked her, “Why didn’t you marry him?”

“He never asked me,” said my mother.

“Why not?”  I demanded (thinking my mother unparalleled).

“Well, dear, he was gay,” she answered as she gently cupped my chin with her hand, tilting my gaze upward to meet hers. “He eventually did marry a woman, but he preferred to be with men. I knew that was the case and decided that I would make a better friend to him than a wife. But, oh! He was handsome!”

“Are lots of men gay?” I asked, somewhat uncertain of the new word that had been introduced to me, since until then I thought it just meant “happy.”

“Some men are, and some women, too.  But you mustn’t mind it; it doesn’t make the quality of a person any less or more.  But it is an important thing to know beforehand, if you think you might like a certain boy,” responded my mother with her usual common sense.

From that moment onward, I never minded “gay” as an aspect of anyone I would meet going forward in life.  On some level I felt that if my mother loved an extraordinary man like Leonard Bernstein, gay was a human quality that was ultimately very lovable and was just one of the many ways of being that humans can come in.

Grand Canyon Raven

Though I would learn that some of my friends in high school were gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered, I was utterly unaware of it at the time.  Like most people who live from a privileged status within a culture (in this case, heterosexual), it rarely occurred to me that heterosexuality could be a challenge for anyone else outside of the approved social “norm” – that measure  having been established by those claiming to represent the normative by which everyone else is judged substandard or defective.

In high school “gay” was something the jocks (male and female) flung around like dirty socks at anyone who didn’t live and die by the calendar of sporting events.  Since I was in choir, theater and the debating club, you can imagine that I had a few such socks thrown in my direction.  I didn’t mind it or respond to it in any way, because it wasn’t my issue; it was clearly theirs.  I also thought they were very stupid, and I had been raised to be nice to the imbecilic.

Watchtower, Hopi Artist Fred Kabotie, Grand Canyon

It wasn’t until college that I came to know young men and women who were actively struggling with a “coming out” process.  Most didn’t fully emerge during those four years but came to grips with their true personhood after college.  One exception was my dear friend Joe (who I nick named Jody), who finally came out to me after breaking up with an overly-dramatic girlfriend that most of us thought was a lunatic anyway.  I’ll never forget the night in a local pub when – over a pitcher of light beer and a bag of peanut M&Ms – we realized that we had both spent heaps of emotional energy agonizing over the same guy.  We both dropped our crush in that instant, and I attribute our strong bond to that hoot-and-howl of a sister recognition moment.

Jody could never tell his parents that he was gay, and he took that secret to his grave.  He was their only son and their only hope for continuing the family name in a presumed marriage that would and could never be.  Not long after college, Jody was in a car accident.  He survived his injuries but not the pneumonia he developed during his hospital stay.  I phoned his parents after I read the news of his death posted in the college alumni newsletter.  While speaking with Jody’s mother, I could hear the subtext accusation in her voice, “He cared for you so much!”  Apparently, either I or another close girl friend of his was supposed to have made their wedding and family dreams come true.  None of us could have done it, and I didn’t correct their impression.  I just held his mother’s grief in the cradle of my ear, even as I mourned for the Joe (Jody) I had known and loved as my friend.

Grand Canyon, South Rim

When I became a professional healthcare chaplain in the early ‘90s, issues of who could be a healthcare representative were in the forefront of emergency room conversations.  Within heterosexual relationships, family members and fiancés were considered the unquestioned primary candidates to make decisions on behalf of a patient who could not speak for him or herself.

When it came to homosexual relationships, however, even family members who had historically disowned a homosexual child or sibling were suddenly empowered by the medical institution and law to enter the ICU or ER and make life and death decisions about someone they hadn’t even spoken to in twenty years.  Meanwhile, the person the patient had shared a home and a life with in all that time was not permitted access to the patient without the family’s consent.  The life partner was certainly not permitted to make healthcare decisions, even if they were allowed in the patient’s room.

Healthcare representation has mellowed in the law, depending on which state of the union one lives in.  My early work as a hospice chaplain was in Indiana.  If the appropriate forms were completed while the patient was alive, awake and coherent, the patient could appoint the health care representative of their choosing; a representative didn’t have to be blood family.  Without that paperwork, family was legally recognized as the rightful decision makers.  In addition, funerary law states that the family “owns” the body post mortem unless legal documents have been prepared that state other wishes.

Grand Canyon, Desert View Drive

Toni was one of the hospice patients in the inpatient facility where I worked.  He had been with his partner, Stephen, for nearly 30 years.  For Stephen’s two children (by then young adults) Toni was the only mother they had known.  They shared stories with me about Toni’s care in preparing their lunches for school when they were kids and how Toni took their daughter to prom when she had no date because of the stigma of her same-gendered parents.  At the prom he wowed everyone with his dancing – wowing them again when he fixed a student’s car in the parking lot that night so the student and his date could drive home safely and not get in trouble for being late.

As Toni’s legal healthcare representative and partner for life, Stephen cared for Toni throughout his struggle with non Hodgkin’s lymphoma.  With tireless devotion and love, Stephen helped Toni bathe, eat, prepare for bed, groom his hair and wipe the tears from his face when Toni could no longer speak in any other way.

One evening before leaving work for the day, I stepped into Toni’s room on an impulse to say goodbye (I came to listen to those intuitions while working in hospice).  Stephen was at the bedside, holding Toni’s hand in the quiet twilight of the room as Toni’s breathing gradually became labored and irregular in his dying.

“I’m glad you came by,” Stephen said in a hushed voice reminiscent of a chapel whisper, “I have something for you from Toni and me.  It’s not much, but we thought you could understand it.” Stephen then poured a silver ball-chain with a series of rainbow colored aluminum rings on it into my open palm.

Stephen explained, “They’re called Freedom Rings.  The rainbow colors of the rings represent us and the hope that freedom will someday ring in our country for all people.  You’ve helped make this a safe place for us to be who we are and allowed us to love one another in these last days as any two people committed to one another do. Toni and I want to thank you for being our chaplain.  No minister or church has ever welcomed us and our family, but you did.  Thank you.”

Rain in the East Canyon, Grand Canyon

I still have the Freedom Rings necklace they gifted to me.  When Gene Robinson was consecrated the Episcopal Bishop of New Hampshire, I wore it to the special clergy day that was called for the clergy of the Diocese of Olympia, an opportunity for us to voice our concerns or opinions.  I received several puzzled looks as I sat adorned with rainbow rings and holding Nigel’s (my husband’s) hand.  I wish I could say that I spoke up that day and shared Stephen and Toni’s story, but I did not.  The remarks of conservative clergy were harsh and strident; somehow the tenderness of a beloved man dying beside the man and family who loved him seemed too sacrosanct for the churning vitriol in the air.  It felt like I was trying to gently launch gossamer seeds into a hurricane wind, and I lost my voice before I could utter a syllable of peace.

I met my dear friend and colleague, Sean, while working at hospice, and I have been promising him for many years that we would one day go to the Grand Canyon.  It’s a gift to me that finally – at the age of 60 – he feels safe enough with someone to be utterly free to be himself, in a place both far away enough and grand enough to accept him.  People easily mistook us for a heterosexual couple.  And yet, seeing what is truly there is far more challenging and compelling.

See with me.

Desert View Drive, Watchtower View

Standing on the edge of the Grand Canyon, the distance between the past and the future is deeply chiseled as a journey through time – from the base rock of our cultural and theological past to the uncomfortable expanse of the rim above, we are all challenged to read the record of how things have been. Then, like the Colorado River (which has never changed its width), we must patiently but inevitably carve the way forward. We must commit to creating a different legacy, in a country founded on freedoms that has yet to find freedom for all.

At last, at the end, after all; I see something even larger than the millennial abyss of frightening despair, prejudice and hatred.

I see in the canyon a parable carved in stone about the vast heart of God.  Sean stands on the edge, and there I stand with him, my hand in his, and I will not let go.  We dare to stand side-by-side on the edge of hope, held to this sacred place by gravity and divine love. Each life on this earth, having been created by the God who called it good, deserves nurture and protection in order to live into the fullest promise of what God has made – the life abiding in the canyon, and the life abiding in each of us.

God promises love.  God asks only that we love one another as Christ loved us.

Stand here. See all that God has made…and…

Love with me.

Grand Canyon Sunset, Lipan Point